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'What the hell do you think you look like!' he slurred as he roughlypulled my duvet off my bed and exposed me to the humiliation of seeingme dressed as girl. He pulled me up roughly, grabbed the Alice band andI screamed with pain as he wrenched it off, together with some of myhair.All the time he was shouting at me calling me names like queer, fag,sissy and other things not so nice.He tore off the nightie and then saw what I was wearing underneath. Hiseyes went wide as he must have then realised that what I was wearingwas my Mums things...'Those are Gemma's clothes, why are you wearing them?' he shouted.'Because I'm a girl'. I whispered, trembling with fear at his anger.'A GIRL! YOU ARE A BOY NOT A STUPID GIRL!' He saw my diary, opened itand read a few pages. 'What filthy rubbish is this?'With that threw my diary into the fire and then he came over and hit meagain and again. I crouched down on the bed with my arms over my headand tried to get him to stop.'Dad, Dad, please don't hurt. Every man, women, and even children fought and died in defense of this already dead city, holding us here through the summer and fall months until finally winter had reached out and joined them as well, felling as many of my comrades as their bullets and shells. Although I had long ago lost the capacity for sympathy for the hated enemy of the Fatherland, still, to kill a woman struck against the man I had been before we had invaded this country of endless misery and frozen steppes. Carefully, I watch, unable to tell from this distance if she were young or old, fair of face or as ugly as the landscape. It had been a long time since I’d lain with my wife, Elsa. Two years, to be exact, upon a Christmas day as well, a fire warming our cozy little home, our young daughters still sleeping under the goose down mattress that they shared. We’d made love desperately, knowing that it would be the last time. I’d already received my marching orders. Oh, God, how I long to hold her in my arms once.
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